Listening to: Cat and Mouse -The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
Mood: Confused.

Well...I just don't know anymore. If this confuses you, I'm sorry, but I have to do something. I have GOT to say something.

You see, I have this complicated thing going on inside me. First of all, I really really want to tell somebody who I like, because I can't keep this stupid secret hidden for so long, but I'm afraid to tell anyone. Also, I really really want to talk to him now, even though I know he doesn't like me at all. I just need to know that he's there. I feel awful I feel like I want something to happen but I don't know what. My chest hurts, to be honest, and I don't mean to be a cliche. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know what's going on. I really don't know if I'm over him or if I'm not, if I like him or if I hate him. I don't know what to do, because one second I'm fine and suddenly he signed on and now I feel like I'm suffocating. This sounds so sappy and cliche but I'm being honest here. And I keep getting this lump in my throat. I think, based on his msn message thing that something's wrong with him. I'm torn between wanting to make it okay and wanting to yell at him that he deserves it for all he's done to me over the past many months. I feel so pathetic for liking him, and confused about the fact that I might like him still. I feel so dumb, because I might like someone who's put me through hell. I feel like crying and laughing and smiling and dying. I feel like hurting him, hurting myself, singing, screaming. I don't know what I want, and if somebody doesn't explain this to me soon, I'm going to break down. I really need to know what the hell is going on. Please, someone help me and I don't mean just to say "i'm sorry, boys suck, if I were you i'd be crying, blah blah blah" because it really makes me feel better and everything but it doesn't help.  I guess maybe what I need is for someone to just say something, anything, that will help me; really really help me. 


Tabitha